Fruit Lobby abandons decades long “Nature’s Candy” campaign

In a surprise announcement, some of the most powerful fruit companies in the world have announced they will no longer be marketing fruit as "nature's candy." 

Big Fruit (also known as the Big Five - made up of Apples, Bananas, Oranges, Grapes and Watermelon) have announced that even they themselves no longer believe that fruit is nature’s candy.

In a press conference earlier today, Barry Applebaum explained that this lie can no longer go on and that fruit can be a pretty lame snack. 


In a press conference earlier today, Barry Applebaum explained that this lie can no longer go on and that fruit can be a pretty lame snack. 

Executives stated that although the decades long campaign had some merit, the reality was that fruit is simply not as satisfying as a snickers bar or bag of chips.

Some experts have applauded the move, saying that by admitting the truth and accepting that fruit is not comparable to a bag of skittles or corn chips, fruit consumption might actually increase. The new campaign will revolve around guilt tripping and fear mongering in order to force people to consume those all-important cancer-preventing vitamins.

Despite the big players supporting the move, small to medium sized fruit companies are still holding out, the all powerful berry conglomerates made up of strawberries, blueberries and blackberries to name a few have refused to acknowledge this new change in branding. The berry cartels believe they are still just as cool and delicious as candy and that they have always been the true natures equivalent of candy. 

With this new announcement, many are speculating whether vegetable producers will finally admit that eating vegetables is a tedious chore at the best of times. No vegetable executives responded to a request for an interview however Capsicum Corporation released a statement stating they weren't going to play the marketing mind games of their more fun loving rivals.